Social, I have nothing more to say to you.......

No regrets.........

Well, you could call this a nerdy post #3 in a row. But this just has to be there. Landmark moment in life.Ten years of downright torture. Now that's something one shouldn't be giving innocent children like us. (Ignoring the magnitude of the lie in that word 'innocent') 

It all started ten years ago with a little something called 'EVS'

"Hey look! Dog! That's a living thing. And look there! Table! That would be a non living thing"

That would make the first chapter. And the journey for the social studies muggers started there:

"Table Nonliving, Dog Living. Table Non living. Dog, Living. Table. Living.... Ugh... no!"

Going again, "Dog living. Table non living" Oh wait. that's wrong too. The book says 'table' first, so going again,

"Table Non living. Dog living. Table non living. Dog living"

"Yes! I mugged it up", following it with fists pumping in air. Hence, with such methodical and mind blowing skills, nerds, officially originated.

So that would be,

Fatality #1 : Origination of nerds.

Now, five years quietly pass. Nothing devastating happens. We get to know that we can fall out of the other side of the earth by digging a hole and that the bald guy in the money notes is a historical superhero. But people begin to show signs of clutching their heads and pulling their hairs off.

Enter class six. People begin to lose a considerable amount of hair. The general public becomes concerned and invent shampoos to aid social studying students. But it cant completely nullify the power of social:

Fatality #2: Hair loss and partial baldness

Now, what used to be "dog", turned into "Mo-Hen-Jo-Da-Ro" in a simple matter of six years. And it doesn't end there too.

The book would say, "Mehincho Odimbaka (The Kenyan Cricket Team gave me the idea) lost his left slipper while travelling on a road, partially brownish in colour, in the south western region of Mohenjodaro"

Now how on earth would a poor sixth grader learn that?! Inhumane, really.

But, by this time nerds have moved on from the category of 'Humans' to 'Scanning Machines'. They now memorize roadside vehicles' registration numbers for time pass.

But, this situation must be taken into consideration from the viewpoint of the general population. How do they do it?

One way would be to shout each syllable while banging the book on the forehead -

"Mo" *bang* "Hen" *Bang* "Jo" *Bang* .... and so on. The methods vary from person to person, but rest assured that every method involves banging something on the head, which brings us to -

Fatality #3: Unduly Headaches

We move on to the later stages of this abysmal ten year run. Words like "Constitution", "Topography" and "Dictatorship" become dreadfully common. People dearly miss the "Dog" and the "table". The time starts when people are subjected to droning voices in social periods. These sound waves act like powerful hypodermic darts. The first benchers as always, wear out their fingers by taking notes. But as always, our concern is for the general population, which lies in troubled sleep:

Fatality #4: Hypersomnia or Excessive Sleep Disorder

(Incidentally, Hypersomnia increases death rates, so they're effectively trying eradicate student population with social)

We enter the phase of exams. Picture it. A ninth grader, clutching his head (this has become part of life so I might as well not mention it), eyes wide open, with a hellish expression on his face staring at a 'less-than-one-square-foot' notebook.

He reads slowly, "The Constitutional Rights:- Right to equality", written in blue gel pen.

His mind which is whining would pick up concentration on anything other than social:

The mind processes go like -

This blue gel pen smudges a lot. I need to get better ones. Oh, they showed this awesome pen on television in this advertisement when I was watching 'Star Wars'. Star Wars is so cool! *Sigh* Wouldn't it be simply awesome if those swords were real? I could even use it as a cricket bat and win the world cup for India!

*Imagines hitting a six stylishly with a laser bat*

*Picks up a real bat and swings wildly and breaks the flower vase on the table*

Yes, only social can make you go from "Constitution" to "Playing cricket with laser bat"

That makes two fatalities. Isn't social on a roll or what?

Fatality #5: Daydreaming

Fatality #6: Breaking precious objects

Of course #6 can be brought about by simpler methods. Like flinging a cup of hot coffee on your geography book for instance.

I could go on forever. There are atleast about hundred such disasters caused by social. But I see no point in wasting your time even more so I would stop here.

So there you have it. Everything there is to know about social. If you want your life disfigured completely for ten years, then social is the right thing to do! 

For now, I would settle for personal celebrations and sadistically watch every other kid suffer social's wrath. Now to end this with a blissful statement-

Social. Is. Dead. Forever!

The Math Mania II - Inside The Exam Hall

[ Read Part One First -> HERE ]

It all boils down to the next three hours. A matter of life or death. One slip up, one little error, and I'll become bankrupt, well not really but,  just saying. Concentrate on the exam!

I walk slowly to the the last bench and sit, thinking of how quickly we've grown. It is like yesterday, when we looked up at people and said, "Ooh! Look! He's writing Board exam! He's so old. " Dei. Math Exam! Concentrate. Daydream ellam later. (Oh sorry. The guy in the italics is just the me with little sense) So, as I was saying, this doesn't feel real at all. Dude! Concentrate. On. Exam. Now! Okay, okay, fine big guy.

I look at the pad with reverence (overkill perhaps? :P ) My solel companion in exam halls from second class. The sun, star and the moon i scribbled drew are still there. And of course, the old unforgettable pencil box.

There are three moments of life which can be considered 'absolute-zero' points.

The first - Moments before receiving the maths question paper. Having a vision that it has many questions you have no clue about.

The Second - Moments before the maths answer paper needs to be submitted, especially when you find a huge mistake after the bell rings. Now that's catastrophic.

The Third - The obvious one: When papers are being distributed and you have a vision of flunking.

8.45

Moment One. My hands receive the question paper, literally shivering. I fling it open. Glance One -> I'll pass. Glance Two -> Sappa Paper. Glance Three ->Lot of free space. Awesome. Pencil-scribblings-on-question-paper! For the win! 

"Nothing should be written on the question paper. We have plenty of supplies of answer sheets and have to use only answer sheets to do rough work", rang out Girija ma'am's autocratic tone. Mind Reader! What is the point of giving so much space if you cant scribble on it? But Moment one has passed.

8.46 -> (A little too precise? Don't worry, you can count on my memory to skip chunks of minutes)

What?! Stupid horizontal sheets that look awkward in pads? Craps. :P But never mind. This is the time given to go through the paper. But who listens?! First fifteen minutes is to finish off Section A. Hence, I officially and unofficially enter the world of math.

Streaming through questions one, I put a dot beside the right option. I think dotting cant be regarded as 'scribbling-on-the-question-paper'. We weren't supposed to touch answer sheets before 9.00. The awesome thing about Section A is, you don't have to do everything the orthodox way, ...... as I count on fingers for the answer for the second one. "Ah, the paper is... EASY, yay!", I breathe, and DANG, question number three, I have no clue. That's the third time I've jinxed something. Time to keep the stupid mouth of the mind shut. :P I go through problem three, again. Ah, Elimination! The other options are meaningless. *Phew* That was close. Ma'am then gives instructions as to what to write in the front page and all that.

8.50 -> (Patience fellows, true, time has pass by only four minutes. But notice the acceleration from 1 min gap to 4 min gap? It'll pick up reeeal fast :P )

Everything in Section A that didn't require pen and pencil is done. I try to do the other 'needs-calculation' problems on the pad and gave up. (If you zoom in, you'll notice the numbers on the pad :P )

Now, I'm faced with a problem. To start with Section A or Section D in the answer paper. Normally it would be 'D' because those are the big mark ones and even if I don't have time at the end I'll miss out only on small mark ones. But. What if we're supposed to write in order? For the first time in life I read the 'Instructions' .... and get nothing out of it. Then, I get scared of what would happen if I don't have time to write some questions in Section D. Chunks of marks gone! But this time as it happened, I was dead wrong about the time, but fortunately this time, its something good. In the hope that the teachers wouldn't be sadistic and cut marks, I decide to start from Section D.

9.00

I get cracking at Section D. 29. Done. 30. Done. Whaat? Horrible Decimals already? :| I went faster. I need time to check these stupid decimal problems. 31. Prove Problem! Yay! I love prove problems I know. When you end with a "Hence Proved", you don't need to ever check it. 32. Answer: Radius is negligible 1 millimetre. Hmpf. 33. Oh nos. The devil of a root three! What? Another decimal? Sheesh :| 34. Another decimal? What the heck is going on?

9.30 ->  (See? This is the time jump I was talking about)

After successfully pwning Section D, I take a short three second break by retrieving the fallen rubber and I start off again. Section C. Ooh. A construction. After a few minutes of turning the pad around, I get it right (I think! :P ) Moving on. No time to waste. Huh? You have to sign something to get an extra paper? :P Breezing through rest of the questions, though it involves some groaning to draw the diagram and shade the area in 27.

10.00

ARGH. Its already 10 and I've done just two sections! Unnecessary panic, but I didn't know it then. I am blinded with time-fear to see any sense. Section B! Section B! Aah. Turning pages eats up four seconds. (All this would sound really stupid now, but I'm just giving you facts :D )

Pang. Awful values for K in 11. But moving on again, 12.13.14.15.16.17.18. Phew. *Deep Breaths*

10.15

Section A. Yay. No steps required! :) I write down all the answers in ten lines after working out a few on the table. Yes, on the table. :P

10.20

I'm done with the paper. I realize I still have over one and a half hours to go. Maybe, I should have done it a little more neatly. :-/ I check if I have written all the questions. I tie the paper as discreetly as possible, without trying to let anyone know but -
"You have finished?" "erm... Yes, ma'am"

"But you still have One and a half hours left!"

"I.... know.. ma'am. I'll... er.. check"

And she turns to Aravindh Babu, and asks, "Is the paper that easy?"
Say Yes, PLEASE!

"No, not at all ma'am", and he turns around and gives me a startled look.
I hate you. :P

Now everyone starts "Ada Paavi"-ing. Hmpf. Isn't it obvious? I SCRIBBLED! :|

10.25

I take more deep breaths, allowing myself two minutes to relax. Just two. I look around the room for the first time. Numbers are still swimming in front of me. I hardly notice a crow perched on a tree or a tiny thin girl writing unusually with glasses on. Time's up. Back to work. Phase One of exam is over. But the more vital phase remains. Checking.

10.30
Beginning of Phase Two. Starting with Number 34. Damning decimals. :| I redo the problem in the rough column. (Yes, I actually drew huge rough columns in the answer sheets in extra spaces) Something looks wrong. :| Oh Crap! I missed the 1/3 in volume of frustum. Well never mind if you don't get this. All you need to know is I would have missed the answer by 18000 odd centimetre cubes if I didn't notice it. I get freaked thinking what would have happened if I had not found this out. Poda! You just found it out! So what's the problem? Oh yeah. :P

10.45

After getting multiple decimal values for the "Aeroplane" and the "Bucket" problem, I give up, deciding that it won't matter because the whole number values are right. I move on to redoing everything else. Redoing is my method of checking. Either logically or mentally or in rough column :P After, correcting a few more deadly silly mistakes I waste another five seconds by drinking water :P

11.00

Most of them have finished. This is the time when people get into the 'non-nervous' mood and start chatting. The nervousness would comically return when people are asked to hand over the papers. I'm done with checking once. I decide to check again.

11.20

I'm done checking twice.

11.40

Thrice.....

11.55

Four Times! :| I give up. But my instincts tell me I have mistakes hidden out there. I glance through the pages again, and again...... and again. I truly give up, shutting the papers, I take more deep breaths.

12.00

*RING* That's the bell. The time for Moment Two. But I refuse to open the paper, fearing I would find any. Sounds silly, but even if I did find any I couldn't change them now anyway. I hand over the paper. Moment Two never happens and Moment Three would never happen either. Only grades would be out. I feel a HUGE wave of relief as I walk out. I guess I could say I was satisfied. 

The Math Mania - Hours, Minutes And Seconds Before The Exam

Ah... Two months of eternal bliss. Yes, I will enjoy every moment of this summer. I relax on the sofa and pick up one of the ten story books I had gotten from the library. I look at the summary on the back, "A man walks into a house and sees a man lying dead, and a woman, holding a pistol in her bloody hand........" I cant swallow it. I'm actually so free. This is unbelievable. No school, no history periods, no stupid little exa- ...."

 
BZZZZZZZT... BZZZZZZZT

Huh what? what? Something is shaking, vibrating.

I snatch the cell phone from under the pillow. It is 5.00 a.m. The alarm was muffled by the pillow. Realization strikes, the high spirits come plummeting down as I remember - Today is math exam. And not just math exam. Math Board Exam. Class 10. One of the life deciding  things, they say. I say its just another day where you should sit at one place for three hours. 

The blog is now polluted. :P

The happiness, bliss, and 'Geth' feelings turn into misery, groaning, nervousness and so on. :P What an awful time to get a dream. Now I'll think of only murder mysteries. :|
I trudge out of bed, still very much groaning. After brushing I take out the textbook and stare at the fresh, still smelling new, pages of the book. Sorry, dear text book, I don't feel one bit sad that this is the last two hours I'll be seeing you. 

Oh wait. No, I'll see you again........ When you have to be thrown out to be recycled. }:-)

 Some kid on the book cover said, "The probability of me passing is 0.4!" Is this book trying to say, "That's what happens when you read me"? NCERT doesn't know how to advertise. Not that it would manage to sell a single copy even if it did know. :P What in the world am I doing? I should be studying. Well, you usually wouldn't 'Study' math. But I am in no mood to work out anything. :|

And so, I open the book. There. Task One completed successfully. Yes, I mean, opening the book. You saw how much time that took! :P

The next one hour, of course, was the most horrid period of the day. Looking through every single problem in the text book definitely isn't what you would 'pleasant'. I can't take any more of this and I close the book. I just sit there for I don't know,  around 15 minutes, thinking random random non-mathematical things. 

After ending the maths note once and for all with a circle and a triangle with arcs, I end Task Two. Studying. I feel.. dizzy. But that's that. No more x squares and frustums.....! For now atleast. :P 

Task Three. Preparing the tools for job. Assassinating the maths paper. My pencil box still has a random 2010 Sanskrit class-test paper, two dry pens, one mokkai pencil, and of course around five dozen threads (Yes, I'm crazy. I collect threads. :P ) After carefully transferring the threads to 'The Thread Box', which had around five hundred of them, I dig through the cupboard, looking for pencils and pens and compasses and protractors. After ten minutes of 'demolishing-neatly-arranged-cupboard-to-get-things' I get what I required. Pencils, scales, rubbers, pens, protractors, compasses, Gameboys......

Yes, a cup of coffee always helps.

Now for a little tampering and bittu vechufying, I take out a scale, and with the compass, make tiny little holes on the 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8 centimetre marks. So now, when the question would require the compass to be having any of those measurements, the sharp thing would neatly go in without  slipping. Bwahaha. :P

I feel the need to feel a little more 'up'. So the obvious instant solution is - I go switch on the computer. Fb-ing, Music-ing, commenting, Buzzing and all that and the moment I switch it off, I finally start feeling nervous. 

"OMG. Math Exam!!! Aaah!" and all that. Around half an hour later I give the book a flick one final time. After the final "Best of luck"s from everyone, (Hmpf. they just make me more nervous) I take out my cycle and start heading to school, for the first time, in a month.

Cars passing by. Getting the right hand fractured could probably be the BEST worst thing to happen now. I'm alive when I reach school..........

The nervousness has officially kicked in big time. I walk towards the crowd of people, half of them having math notebooks, other half discussing the world cup. Just what I wanted to know -"India should've brought in Harbhajan for the last over" :P

We still don't know our rooms. What the heck people? Exam is in fifteen minutes! Oh well. :P As long as everyone is here. :P Finally, the peon (sure it isn't pronounced, "PEE ON"?? ) came and stuck two sheets of papers. I think of the sheet that is stuck on the compartment of a train. Well, it did match. Everyone trying to stick their heads to see if they existed in the sheet and trying to figure out the rooms.

All of us climb the tiring three floors and get to our rooms. Ah. Awesome! I'm near Deepak and Aravindh Babu is in front. Atleast the exam won't be entirely boring.  I take out my things, keep it on the bench and walk out with the bag and chat with random people. My hands become ice-cold. The nervousness. The numbness. The fear...... Fitting, how, when I think of 'fear', Girija ma'am should come into our room as invigilator. I get a hold. This is no time to be nervous. Time for some ruthless problem cracking. I walk in, holding my breath..........