29 C

Bus travel can be very tiring, especially on a sweaty summer day and that too, right after a three-hour coaching class. Nevertheless, I walk slowly towards the bus stop thinking about Lays packets and coffee. It can hardly be called a bus stop, since it gave absolutely no indication that it was so. The crowd of people who are waiting impatiently there tell me I'm at the right place. 

If you people came here seeing its about "buses" in hopes of learning how my hand snapped into two in detail, sorry to disappoint you but this is just another boring daily life post.

The Stop...... 

I get there and start waiting. This was actually a completely lousy bus stop and I'm not talking about the overturned smelly dust bin right beside it. Half the buses which go to my place are filled with ego and don't stop in small bus stops like these. I can go wave at them all I want but they don't feel the need to stall the traffic for a sweaty, helpless child (*Cough*) And those who don't stop happen to be the new models, deluxe buses, white-boards, whatever you call it. Definitely ego. Who needs them anyway? They're pretty much the same except for the cool yellow hook-like things to hang and swing on. But they're definitely not worth the five excess rupees.

I turn around to look at one of the shops. Maybe someone there sells orange Lays Packets? I turn back to see an A1, Air-Conditioned gliding past.  No! I just missed my jolly AC-ed ride home. True, the A1 doesn't stop here, but he is not as egoistic as the rest. He being a sweet fellow stops when I wave my hand. (Actually, AC buses stop because they don't get enough money to run and are glad to accept more passengers at any time but I won't tell you that. It'll spoil all the fun. Besides, I like AC buses. Hey. You are not reading all this written in brackets right?)

I continue my wait. I stare longingly at an auto then shake my head. Impossible. Treacherous rates. Then, finally, a bus appears in a distance in the smoke of the traffic. I maneuver through the crowd trying to get in front. I see the number. 21. I go back to my original standing place. Annoyingly, this bus which doesn't go to my place stops for a full minute at this bus stop. After a lot of shuffling, an old lady who just climbed out of the bus suddenly talks to me,

"He-ey. Will you get me across the road please? I want to go to that side"

I stared. Totally Blank. My brain exploded into three parts and each one was racing. 

Part One was saying, Okay, this lady is really old and alone. I'm not in a hurry anyway. Maybe I should.
Part Two was saying, Oh what the hell lady? There are like fifty people around and you had to go dump the trouble on me? 
And Part Three was wildly inventing solid excuses that I could give her which are satisfactory and does not make her search another person after leaving  with an angry "hmpf".

My mouth managed to say,
"Uhh...um" for all this while.

Then, a man, about twenty, apparently working, said,
"You want to cross the road lady? Here. Come with me"

Saved! **Phew** Thank you, person, whoever you are. What would I have done if that person had not turned up? Would probably have provided her the solid excuse and gone on to hide in some unnoticeable corner of the bus stop. I felt half ashamed, half guilty. All of a sudden, those Panchatantra stories where the god disguises himself as an old person and asks for help and punishes people who are heartless. The things old people can do to you. God.

I still haven't gotten into a bus! Before I can think anything, another voice:
"He-eey"
I turn.
Old guy. Looking like he lives in the bus stop. About eighty. Oh no. Now what?!

"You see the poster here?", he said, pointing at the piece of paper stuck on the side of the shop.
I look at the "poster". It was a contact lens advertisement, showing five eyes, each wearing a different coloured lens, making the eye look blue, green, brown.. etc.
Okay?
"They've displayed all this, but they don't say which one is good. All this is simply for show. I've been thinking about it for a long time."

Brilliant. Simply great. Here I am waiting for ages to get home, and a random guy decides to make conversation about criticizing Varilux contact lenses. I simply grin. I hear a low rumble and a squeak of a horn that can only belong to one vehicle. Finally! A darned bus! Saved again, from the wrath of old people. A 29 C. Yay! Oh wait, you better stop here. It did stop. It is overcrowded. I couldn't care less. I have this curious sort of affinity towards 29Cs, simply randomly liking them. I mean, they're just cool right? (:P) I get in, fingering some coins from the wallet and holding them before I do so. Who knows what can happen when you try to take your wallet out in that crowd.

The Bus.....
Okay, I'm in. I get to the middle of the bus. No breathing space at all. But it isn't so bad since I can actually turn around and move my hands. I look at the coins in my hand. A 50p and a 5 Rupee coin. A gold 5 Rupee Coin. No, I'm not wasting that. I collect those gold ones. But, "Ticket Ticket?", the voice which doesn't know to speak anything else said.
I handed over the gold reluctantly and pocketed the bus ticket. 

I hold the horizontal and the vertical bars for support, putting most of the pressure on my left. Right, was still volatile. I look at the graffiti on the bus walls.





"Something something Roxxxxxxx" (It had more "x" that that)
"I love you someone someone. Signed: Someone someone" (Thu :P )
"We are awesome!! Signed: Someone someone someone"

One word. Jobless.

Suddenly, the bus applies brakes, approaching a speedbreaker, or a red signal, I don't know, but I involuntarily grab hard with my right and it stung. Badly. No damage done. Its too much to have two consecutive injuries in the same vehicle in the same limb.

Then, a guy from behind bumps into my bag and smiles sweetly and apologizes for it. Highly abnormal activity. People in overcrowded buses in Chennai never smile sweetly and importantly, never apologize. Pickpocket?  I suddenly become very aware of the phone and the wallet, touching both of them every three seconds to make sure they're there. Atleast my right hand has something to do now. The guy takes out a phone, a Samsung Galaxy, and goes through folders for no reason (Yes, I was peeking into it) Then, he takes out another phone, a Sony Ericsson Xperia (WTH?!) and meddles with that too. Who is this guy? Suicide Bomber with a bomb in his cell? Without warning, he pocketed both the phones and got down at the red signal. Phone and wallet still there. I am still alive. No harm done.


Strange things don't stop happening. Another woman, some high class personality who looked completely out of place in that local bus is trying to ask someone to get a ticket for her. I hate people who ask me to do that. I face the other side and give and expression of being completely absorbed in seeing the scratches at top of the window. Too Late.
"Hey!!! You.... YOU. Get a ticket to Besant Nagar"
I ignore completely knowing perfectly well that it is me she is calling. There were about ten other people who she could have asked to get the ticket. All the rotten luck. Apparently I was the only who looked  bully-able.

"What the hell do you think of yourself?"
Uh. What?! I turn around.

"Don't you have the courtesy to turn around and look at the person when he or she is talking to you? Is it so difficult for you to give the money to the conductor and get one ticket? I am a teacher and I know you are a student. These are extremely bad manners", she fumed. 

Get your own ticket you lazy bum. 


I shrug and give her the "what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it?" stare. She decides to get it herself after making all sorts of angry noises. And she promptly trips and almost falls right on someone.
"Watch where you're going lady", said some nice guy.
Ha! 

Destination almost reached. The rotten smell of the river tells me that. I move to the front of the bus near the stairs. After sometime, the bus is almost there. 
Another man:

"Move it. Why the hell are you standing here if you're not going to get down?"

"I am going to get down here thank you"

"O.....h"
**Bulb**

The bus screeches to a stop and I quickly get down  before something unfortunate happens. What a day. I watch as the four big wheels carry the huge structure out of sight. I walk home, tired.

Money Minded Maniacs II - The Doctors

My next part of the post. This time I'm going to grill the doctors like I promised. Lets start the show.
 
The Docs

Getting to the firing straightaway. How do you identify a doctor?
People would say, "Stethoscope hanging over neck."
Other people of our cheek would say, "Oh. The guy with unbearable handwriting"

To put it in a sentence, a doctor is someone who smiles too much, has the power of making you believe that "Everything-will-be-alright" and has half all of your wallet money before you notice it. Its not really as bad as it sounds. Its worse. Who knew your kidney's valve was more costly than a Maruthi Alto?

Lets take the small-scale situation first. (I like doing the One-Fine-Day situation thing, especially when you know for sure its not going to be one fine day at all) So here we go, 

One fine day (:P) you happen to go to your favourite restaurant and have a bite at the coconut chutney which was on the verge of getting spoilt. Food Poisoning! Your body heat shoots up and you land in bed, groaning. You are loaded with Crocins and your body refuses to calm down. So finally, you decide to get rid the fever and the money as well as quickly as possible. 


Enter doctor. He will do three things. Ask you to take deep breaths and put his stethoscope to use, make you roll your eyes and flash a torch, and look at your outstretched tongue. Then, he takes out a paper, scribbles something which only medicine shop guys can identify and ask you to have a good day after robbing you of 200 Rupees. You cant do anything about it (except vomit on his table for self pleasure maybe? )

For wasting a certain amount of battery in his torch, removing some negligible ink from his pen and getting rid of one of his sheets of paper, you lose 200.   What would happen if you actually make them do something? *Shudders* People are ready to pay anything for getting their bodies working properly. And, they think doctors can fix everything.

Well, the more sad thing is, it isn't even the doctor's fault. Suppose, he charges 10 Rs for a check up. (That's a little too hard to believe)
Point #1: His roof would be brought down by thousands of patients who rush here once they learn of the price.
Point #2: The doctor has to be a complete fool if has to treat 20 patients to get 200 when he could have got the same money with one, especially when people are ready to pay.
Point #3: For a new doctor, when he sees that every other hospital is charging that much for a check up, he cant possibly reduce it very much even if he feels that the money is outrageous, its bad for business. Unless of course, he happens to be a noble life-loving idiot. (Such people don't exist anymore. They went right after dodos did)

Lets just say I like firing at these people and I'm partly jealous at how easily they earn big bucks. (Not taking their previous hard work into consideration)

The only difference between the mechanics' case and this case is that, there you can chuck the machine which doesn't work out of your second floor window. Here if you do that, its called "homicide".


Large Scale Business:
A ninety year old lady has a severe problem in her kidneys and her condition is worsening. Her sixty year old son is in a dilemma. He knows she's going to die anytime now, so why not let nature kill her peacefully? But no, there is a hospital across the street which says it can cure kidney problems. He has two choices: To let her die peacefully now without doing anything or to take her to the hospital and buy her more time to live, say a month, that's being optimistic and torture her with hospital equipment till then.

Its a simple choice if you look at it here. "Let nature take her", is easily the best option. She dies in peace plus you save money. But its complicated. Say he does that, and his mother dies, he'll be with the permanent guilt that he could have saved her but he didn't and also, other people blame him for her death. Something like, "You abandoned her!", which is painful to hear.

Even his conscience would tell him to go to the hospital, in that tiny hope of saving his mother despite the fact that, logically, its better off leaving her as it is. So she finally, inevitably ends up in the ICU to be operated. One night for the patient at a hospital costs about as much as the most expensive hotel suites and doesn't have five percent of its luxury. Days pass.

They'll make her survive a few more days. Then, after the most expensive week of a lifetime, the doctor will come out with a well-rehearsed expression of deep sympathizing sadness and tell him she just passed away. With the reason being, "Excessive fluids, Cardiac Arrest" etc, etc.

The result of it all, she's dead anyway, plus he's lost a few lakhs of money and your family members are actually glad that she didn't stay for too long because then, the expense would rapidly multiply. Okay, the equipments for operation are costly, agreed. But definitely not that much?! Serious looting. What's the rate today? Around 60K per day. I mean, what the hell? And its just because humans cant let nature take the old ones away in peace.

"Who cares about how much it costs? I want to live"
I'm not saying that isn't the right attitude. That should be the attitude. But, hospitals exploit that statement a little too much. In the end, you end up dying anyway.

Having a general doctor and a mechanic in the family would really help cut down the expenses, for smaller scale situations at least. 

Everyone is a money minded maniac. No doubts. No questions asked. I just felt like firing at these two categories. You cant blame me. Goodbye for now.....

Money Minded Maniacs I - The Mechanics

There are four kinds of people who steal. (No, there are obviously more, but the number comes under 'uncountable', so this will settle for now) The first. The honest thieves, the ones who do the direct job of drilling through bureaus and gobbling up money. The second, politicians. No surprises there. "Honest Poltician" was always an oxymoron. So, even they are forgiven since we already know that they must always be bad.

It is the third and fourth that I find are outrageous. The ones who fix our broken gadgets and machines and the ones who fix our body parts. In simple terms, mechanics and doctors.

The Mechs

They don't use knives and guns to rob. Your lack of knowledge is their weapon. First, they never turn up for repairs unless they are sure they can hit a jackpot, which they tend to hit very often. And their frequent targets: Old timers. The young generation know and meddle too much.

------------------
You would be relaxing after retirement and would want so check "e-mail" to see if your old friend sent you something. You would have, with some difficulty, memorized the sequence to do that.

Start-> All Programs -> Mozilla Firefox

One fine day, an error pops up when you open. Extremely baffling. Without second thoughts you phone the software guy.

"Hello. The Mozilla Firefox in my computer is not working! What is wrong?", you would say in a desperate voice.
"We will attend to the matter immediately sir. We will send an expert, soon", he would say in his most silkiest voice.

If you were lucky and you got the meaning of his "soon", you would scream into the phone just before he slams it down,
"When?! Today 6 pm?"
"Ah, sure sir."

And when he doesn't turn up at 6 pm, or the 6 pm of the next day, or the next. You call him up again.
"We had lodged a complaint that Mozilla Firefox isn't working. You said you would sent a man at 6 pm that day. Where is he?!", you could shout all you want.
"Is it so sir? I will send a man immediately to attend the matter.", he would say, completely disregarding your screams.

After this continues for another week. He would finally turn up mumbling things like,
"Traffic", "Work Overload" and "Couldn't make it"
You would feel like asking, "Why the hell did you so coolly say, you'll come then?"

He would walk to the P.C and ask you a few questions about what's wrong to make sure you're the biggest fool in town. Once he does that, he'll go:
Right Click -> Refresh
like twenty times like it'll solve everything. Then, he'll go amaze you by doing things you've never seen before. You'll be sitting there astonished. But if you're lucky to have a kid in the house who's tweaked everything he can get his hands on, the kid will save the day by furiously whispering in your ear,
"This guy isn't doing anything. He's just clearing temporary files!"
But no, you wouldn't listen to any kids. The mechanic is god. He knows everything. Heh! :P

"Sir, there is a problem in the C.P.U. The processor seems to be overworked. We would need to take it to our hardware office to inspect it", the silky voice returns.

The kid would be in open-mouthed disbelief, with every inch of his body screaming, "WTH?! You're kidding me"
But who listens to kids? You'll nod gravely as the mechanic suppresses a grin and removes the piece of machinery from your sight.

"I will call you when everything is alright sir. It wont take more than two days"

The waiting game starts again. Two days. Five. Ten. A hundred phone calls. Different innovative excuses each time. The kid will be having a "What did I tell you?" expression.
You've finally had enough. You go to that place directly and blow up. He'll still be grinning.
He has already won the battle when he took away your piece of machinery.

"Sir, we are sorry for the delay. It is completed. The processor needed to be repaired. You can take it home"

Despite your fury and that fact that you'll have to carry the machinery by yourself, you'll be glad its finished.

He drops the bombshell with finesse,
"That'll be 6500. We accept cheque payment."

There will be absolutely no point arguing. He will tell you about how this part cost this much and how the damage was severe and finally after destroying you with technical names, you'll have no choice but to surrender. After painfully parting with 6500, you'll finally be able to open Mozilla Firefox.

-------------------

That's why it always helps to have a tech-freak in the house and believe in them even though they'll be the ones responsible for most break downs.

Yet, you cant know everything. If the inner, deeper, unknown parts  get damaged, it is the mechanics' lucky day. He'll replace it for a 10000 bucks. After he does that, another mech would tell you he would have done the same replacement with just 8000 bucks. You'll go scream at the first guy. He would simply say,
"That guy uses inferior quality machinery. It wouldn't last five days."
Its hopeless.

The bigger the machine gets, the more they steal. Another instance where the car doesn't start. It'll be sent to garage and will stay there for weeks till you empty your phone balance.
Finally, you'll receive a bill of 25000. Yeah I know they replaced oil, motors and all other crap. Hmpf. All they must have done was put two wires into place.

And when you ask why the AC isn't working, they'll say you never asked them to see the AC and that'll cost another 30000 because apparently the condenser is broken.
You'll run out of that place with your car saying, "Vendaam Pah Saami".

So, it always helps to have a full fledged mechanical engineer as a relative. Or, the simpler alternative, is to be a millionaire. Solves all problems doesn't it? No repairs. Get new stuff. Simple. Be a mech. You'll get there.