One Year...

Having moved back to hostel a few days back, I woke up around 8.30 am. My roommate wasn't there. I grudgingly climbed out of bed and rummaged through the junk of things in my shelf for my toothbrush and toothpaste. I grabbed them, put my slippers on and dragged myself out of the room. I opened the door to the common bathroom-place and endured the familiar stench of air. I opened the tap, washed my brush, put some paste on it and started brushing. I'm describing these mundane activities with such detail because I had reached a point where even if my brain stopped working, my body would automatically do all these things and my life would move on, without change. 

Sleep. Eat. Workshop. Laptop. Eat. Sleep. Laptop. Sleep. Eat. Workshop. Repeat.
It was true that I preferred monotony over abrupt changes but my life was now going on borderline autopilot.

An hour later, I was cycling down the road, earphones plugged in, wearing a tight khaki shirt and pants that almost looked like three-fourths. That was courtesy of the short and small senior I borrowed them from. I was on my way to IRCTC / Suprabha canteen. The biggest decision I had to make that day was whether I should order a Masala Dosa / Filter Coffee combo or an Onion Rava / Filter Coffee combo. Masala Dosa had been tried and tested; however Onion Rava could be a welcome change. However, sometimes they don't make the Onion Rava well and they put a lot of those black, round and small ball like thingeys (It's called "kurumolagu" or something in tamil?) 

I passed Pampa. That was my previous hostel. They'd put a tent up and I saw a bunch of parents, freshies and brand new cycles huddled about. There was some inexplicable sadness about it all. A song playing in my ear would always mean that my emotions were amplified. I remembered the time when I was there with my parents. Of course, the cycle was as old as ever but it was pretty much the same scenario. Excitement, tension, fear, anticipation. So much emotion. And my parents would be there, feeling some emotions themselves, watching it all happen. So much emotion, and now, absolutely nothing. It was ridiculous how things had changed over one year. 

I suppose it was not just me. Of course, many people do a lot of different things and have lesser monotony in their lives but in a group of people, you can pick the freshmen out. They are the ones with most excitement, happiness, sadness, tension, fear or anticipation on their faces. Every other person on the campus look like zombies. Some of them even move like zombies. 

I had my Masala Dosa and Filter Coffee and soon reached the Central Workshop. I parked my cycle and headed towards the entrance with songs still playing in my ear. A huge crowd of people headed out. There weren't the 8.30 batch of workshop students because they weren't wearing khaki. They were wearing bright, colourful, assorted clothes. Some of them were talking animatedly with others. Some of them looked like they were scared that they might break something. Some of them simply looked dazed. The emotions were palpable. I'd forgotten all about the orientation. They'd be given a tour of the campus. They'd displaying all its pride on the first few days. Another flashback moment. A very powerful one too. I'd exhausted my month's quota of emotions today. 

I remembered being extremely outgoing when I first came to this place. I'd introduced myself to every person I could lay my sights on. I'd ask their numbers, given my number. We'd exchanged information about where we were from. I had been excited to meet new people, to be in a new place, to do new things. Why? What had gone wrong for the zombification to take place? 

Another guy came from behind them and stood at the edge of the workshop gate, calling out to students to gather around him. Students obeyed with obedience that was laughable these days.
"Welcome to the Central Workshop of IIT Madras. I am the head of ......."

I smiled at the ridiculous similarity with last year's orientation. Same spot. Same person. Same words. 

Perhaps zombification was not the right word. (Well it's not even an actual word but moving on...) Perhaps I just wanted extravagant things to happen in my life without lifting a finger and got annoyed when they weren't happening. I guess it was time to stop whining and enjoy things as they were. The past has always been a better place to live in and it was time to always stop thinking about it. I tugged out my earphone, cutting off the channel to the world of nostalgia. I walked in and greeted the first person I met with a smile. It was a much better day at the workshop...

Walking You Through Horror - Game of Thrones Style

I haven't had a decent outlet for venting about the scenes of S04E08 of Game Of Thrones so I'm using this right now. Yes, this post is going to be entirely about Game of Thrones. And those who haven't seen upto S04E08, please stay away for your own sake. Even if you decide to read this because you've decided not to watch the show ever; don't. Because at some point in your life, you're going to watch this show; someone's going to make you, because you can't just go through life without watching Game of Thrones and this article is going to come back and haunt you when you do. So, SPOILER ALERT!

So, the last episode, the seventh episode of the fourth season ended in a brilliant fashion. We knew that Littlefinger was evil. We even came to know that he was responsible for the death of Joffrey and a few other important men in Westeros. But only now did we actually see him show his true colours. Game of Thrones is all about kicks. It's either a happy kick or a traumatic kick. I got to admit, that was one "Yipee" moment because noone really liked Lysa Arryn; that psychotic sickly bitch who wanted to throw Tyrion and then Sansa through the moon-door. Yes, we never considered her to be a major character but that push coupled with a demonic expression on Littlefinger's face was definitely a badass kick. 

Coming back to why I'm here: the eighth episode. A little background first, Tyrion Lannister was on trial by combat for being accused of murdering Joffrey, a crime everyone in Westeros knew he didn't commit. But recently, Tyrion's luck has been more rotten than Sansa Stark's. His champion was to face The Mountain, Ser Gregor Clegane, a warrior of monstrous size and ability and not a shred of conscience. The only problem was, Tyrion didn't have a champion. 

He sought the help of Jaime Lannister, his brother, his first choice in the original trial by combat and it would've worked well too because Cersei would be faced with the death of her lover if she had to get rid of Tyrion. All this was before Jaime lost his sword hand. Now he couldn't defeat Tyrion if he wanted to. Well no, I guess that's not true, anyone could beat Tyrion but he definitely couldn't go anywhere near The Mountain without his head being split into two.

Then Bronn entered his cell. Bronn, his savior, the winner of his first trial by combat. All of Tyrion's hopes lay with Bronn. But, somehow you knew it wasn't going to happen. Game of Thrones has taught us that much. This was too easy and too good for Tyrion. And so Bronn refused. But I didn't hate him for it. I liked him more. He asked Tyrion why on earth he would do that for him when he was in such a good place in his life. And damn right he was; you don't randomly go fight The Mountain in a battle of death when things are going well for you. Bronn wasn't Ned Stark. He had no pride. He had no honour. Yes, he liked Tyrion a lot, but would he give his life up? Damned right he wouldn't. Tyrion could see it too, as he too, like Bronn, wouldn't have helped him if he were in Bronn's position. And with a very sincere apology and a handshake, Bronn took leave, leaving Tyrion shattered. His last, well, pretty much only hope, had rejected him.

This leaves you wondering who the champion could possibly be. Tyrion didn't have a lot of powerful friends. Then, Prince Oberyn entered his cell. I'd forgotten all about him. He was the only person in the room who had a smile on his face when Tyrion demanded a trial by combat. Of course it was going to be Oberyn. Tyrion didn't know it yet. Oberyn begins to describe his hatred for the Lannisters, his sympathy for Tyrion, his thirst for revenge. And everyone who he wanted dead was right there, at King's Landing.
"I will begin with Ser Gregor Clegane", he exclaims in what I believe was the second most powerful dialogue of the episode (the first being, "Your sister", if you know what I mean) 
Tyrion slowly begins to look up, not willing to believe in what he thought yet. Oberyn stood there, with one hand holding a burning lantern, with the fire also burning in his eyes. He had the air of Petyr Baelish, someone extremely powerful who's waited for a long time to strike and the opportunity had finally presented itself.
"I will be your champion".

After that we're left stranded for two weeks, wondering. I obviously wanted Oberyn to kill the Mountain. He had to. I mean, if he didn't, Tyrion was going to die. And Tyrion couldn't possibly die. Sure, this was Game of Thrones and all but still you can't just keep killing off main characters and expect the show to run long. But there was always the third option of the Mountain winning and Tyrion escaping death somehow. But if they had to kill off some person, the Mountain had to be the better choice. He didn't have any role till now. He had to go some day. This was as good a day as any. And Oberyn's inner badass had just been turned on. Surely they wouldn't kill him off after developing his character so beautifully? So, I hoped for some sanity. I innocently believed that Oberyn would conquer the Mountain.

One last time before the fight, the brothers have a chat. Jaime is worried because he hasn't ever seen Oberyn fight. And Tyrion's thinking about his dead cousin who killed beetles. We enter the fight scene. Oberyn picks up a huge pike. He wears no armour in contrast to the Mountain's alarmingly dense armour which possibly weighs more than an average human being. Oberyn assures his woman that that wasn't the day he was going to die and a couple of other proud lines. I didn't know what to think. He enters the battlefield. The fight begins. Oberyn shows us why he is called the Viper. It was arguably the best fight scene I'd ever seen. His agility and skill were outstanding. He danced around the Mountain, twirling his pike about, commanding the Mountain, time and again, to confess his crimes against his sister and her children. Inspite of the Mountain breaking his pike with his giant sword once, Oberyn was clearly the better fighter. Jaime, being a fighter himself, realized that and stares in amazement and joy as Oberyn slowly starts derailing the mountain. Even Tyrion allows himself the tiniest of smiles. Cersei's and Tywin's faces are as grim as ever. Me, I still had my heart in my mouth. Oberyn could be the worst fighter and still win or be the best fighter and still die, this being a TV show and all. But when Oberyn struck the Mountain in his leg, and then struck again; I led myself to believe that Oberyn was going to make it. This was going down like Bronn's fight, with Bronn's sword slowly slashing away the other guy's organs. Oberyn then thrust his pike into the Mountain's chest and the Mountain finally fell. It was all over. 

But then Oberyn shouts at the Mountain to confess his crimes before he dies. He walks around the enormous body shouting at the Mountain seeming a little mad. He was pointing at Tywin who had given the order for the crimes the Mountain had committed. He was not finishing the Mountain off. My heart which had settled in its original place a moment ago, took off again. Earlier it was just anticipation, now it was sheer dread. This is exactly the sort of thing that gets people killed at the last minute. FINISH HIM OFF DAMMIT.

 For an instant, nothing happened and the Mountain still didn't move. Then I thought he had died and the way it was building up, I thought some arrow was about to strike Oberyn from the crowd for accusing Tywin or something. Even Tyrion's and Jaime's faces show signs of worry. But then a giant hand of the Mountain swept Oberyn off the ground. Oberyn tried to get up, but the Mountain slapped his face with such brutal power that it knocked several teeth off and sent blood spewing. The Mountain, in mockery, started confessing, proudly, his rape and murder of Elia and the murder of her children. My heart had stopped pumping and I seemed to be stuck in limbo. He got on top of Oberyn and grabbed his face with both his hands and pressed into his eyes which burst out with blood. In another moment of desperation, I hoped to god that Oberyn would find the pike and stab his head with it and perhaps be blind for the rest of his life. Whatever the hell, just let him live. Then, the mountain, with a resounding crack, split open Oberyn's skull with his bare hands. The camera began to pan out on Oberyn's bloodied corpse and the music had a sense of finality. I'd truly forgotten that I existed in another world. 

For a couple of minutes I could only think, "Ohshitohshitohshitohshit" while desperately trying to let out those emotions through other people, on facebook, through texts, someone, anyone. In those last few moments of the fight, I'd become completely oblivious to the real world. Of course, even normally, I'd have all my concentration on the show but I'd always know at the back of my mind that this was a TV show. This time, my brain had been cut off from this world entirely. That almost never happened. It was traumatizing. But it was just fantastic. Game of Thrones had once again exploited my innocence and turned it into a brutal experience, one that I wouldn't have missed for the world. Joffrey's death wasn't even close because that had been spoiled and that was slow and predictable. This one truly matched the Red Wedding. Game of Thrones had reached a new level of brilliance. And so Tyrion has been sentenced to death. I have to wait another week for that episode. But since we have one week to wonder about his death, it won't happen. Like I said before, it was too easy and predictable for Game of Thrones. And he was arguably the most important character in the show. But then again, after the betrayal by the show in this one, who knows? I hope he lives though. Also, if know what's going to happen, please don't spoil. It's really an evil and heartless thing to do.

Signing off from an unfortunately boring real world,
Arjun K G

Life Moves On

It has been a week at college. It hasn’t been the greatest of the beginnings. In a new place, it usually never is for me. But this time there was something extra. This time I was never going back.

The academics is fantastic, the hostel is good, the mess food is much better than expected and there are thousands of other activities I could participate in. There are thousands of new people to talk to, to make friends with. Yet, I miss home. I miss school. I miss my family. I miss school friends. I miss them like never before.

I hadn’t ever given college life a thought. It never hit me; not until I was alone in the hostel room at night staring at the opposite wall. I was never going back home. Physically, yes, I would visit it a lot. But, mentally, I was out. Every moment after this I go farther away from home. And I’m never coming back for good. I had been given a huge responsibility: the responsibility of surviving alone.

It does sound very big when you put it like that. And it is indeed really big for someone who hasn’t seen much of the outside world. But I’m getting better already. I’m getting used to being alone. But it does take some time to come in terms to the fact that childhood is gone. Getting used to being alone means acknowledging and living with the fact that you aren’t going to be with your family anymore. And that is just plain sad. I would kill to be a kid again.

To think, I’d complained about so many things when I was a kid, gotten bored and tired in so many situations. Now I miss them all. That agonizingly boring chemistry class, that horrifying early morning journey in a crowded bus to Ashok Nagar for JEE coaching and those days of absolute boredom at home: those memories are gold now.

And friends, so many friends I hadn't talked enough with and hadn't said proper goodbyes to. Everything was just so abrupt. There wasn't enough time. There never is enough time.

Maybe I’m a guy who dislikes the present, whatever it is and gets lost in nostalgia and likes to grumble about it. That adds another dimension to, “the grass is greener on the other side”. If that’s true, then I’m going to miss my college like crazy after five years. I’m going to have a lousy life if I keep doing this.

So that’s one week gone now. There’s still a lot of time to start enjoying myself. I better do that before those five years run out. It's always better to not think about these things. I guess it's really time I plunged into college life.

To all my friends in a college outside Chennai: have a terrific college life. And keep in touch. Things are never going to be the same again. But it doesn’t always have to be the same way. Things can even get better. Let’s just enjoy the moment. :)

RSI Interview

IIT-Madras. Some are fascinated by it. Some are obsessed to get into it. But most of us don't really care about it. But I must say I was amazed when I went there for the first time. It isn't all about technology and being nerdy. There are tennis courts, basketball courts, swimming pools, cricket grounds and the place is simply huge. Coming to the technology part of it, they make some crazy things down there. But I've realized that all those 'instruments' are fascinating only on first sight and can be incredibly boring on deeper analysis for those who have no interest in science.   

For those who do not know, RSI or Research Science Institute is basically a summer camp inside IIT and you get to  explore and play with your desires in science. You have to stay there for the month of May and listen to a series of lectures and make a project. I was lucky to be one of the people to get chosen for this but the problem was that from the chosen people only three (two this year) get selected based on an interview. The interview. That was the problem. Written tests were all fine. But this?! Anything to do with face-to-face talking was a problem for me.

I had another problem. Half of me didn't want to go in the first place. Why? Because I thought it would be a sheer waste of a month. My initial reaction was all positive. One month in IIT for free?!!! And I signed up just like that without a second thought. Then people began dropping out, people said it wasn't worth it. Suddenly I found myself completely unwilling to go. But the interview was inevitable. "Go flunk in the interview", said a nasty part of my mind. It would be an extremely stupid thing to do. If I didn't want to come I should have dropped out. Then I told myself I'll give it my best at the interview and I'll let fate decide and maybe think of dropping out if I get selected. No, that was stupid too. It was a big chance after all. Bah, lets see how the interview goes.

The day arrived. The feeling wasn't unlike a maths exam. But I wasn't feeling one bit nervous, maybe because I didn't care about the outcome. Also, I didn't prepare a single thing before the interview. Maybe it was my usual laziness, maybe it was my indifference towards the interview. The others said they hadn't prepared as well. But people usually don't go talking about their preparations.

The Library

The interview was to take place at the computer science lab, the interviewers being three professors, geniuses by the looks of them. The eight of us sat down in the library. A peon entered, "Who's the first?"

The guy next to me raised his arm before I had the chance to and he ran off without a backward glance. I wanted to go first. I wanted it finished quickly. Now I had to wait for him to come back. The wait was a long one. I could tell that almost everyone around me was nervous. One had his face in his hand, one looked like he hadn't slept, one kept talking to perhaps reduce the nervousness, one was lost in thought, one was supremely calm and composed and last one was trying to control his emotion. To be honest, I was getting bored so I picked up "Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows" and started reading from a random page. Soon the guy returned. He was grinning, yet he had the air of someone completely destroyed inside out. He made a thumb down and said, "Super flop!". Maybe I should have let someone else go but I sprang up immediately after I saw him and dashed towards the computer lab with remarkable confidence, totally unaware of the impending doom.    

Inside The Chamber  

I opened the door to the Senior Computer Science Lab. I felt a blast of chill air hit my face. I walked inside. Immediately, as though it was waiting to happen, my insides turned into ice which flooded across every part of my body, my brain had gone numb and my mouth had gone bone-dry. My heart began hammering furiously. The confidence I had few moments earlier had evaporated completely. I had no idea where the nervousness had erupted from all of a sudden.

The three professors were sitting there talking with each other and handling a file. They stopped when they saw me and the one on the left gave me a wide smile, "Come in.... Sit Down". I did NOT like the smile.

 I sat. This didn't feel like a science exam. This felt like a public debate. The freak-nervousness that comes with it matched. 

All three of the smiled mechanically. The one in the middle asked,
"Your name?"
"Arjun"

He flipped through the files and handed over a sheet of paper to the professor on the left.
"So how do you feel?", the smile was still there. I suppose they intended it to have a calming and encouraging effect in which case they were failing miserably.

"Fine... um.. a bit.. nervous", I managed.
I didn't say 'nervous' because I was actually nervous but because I thought they might ask easier questions if I said so. Foolish logic. But there you are, I had already mentioned that my brain had jammed.

The guy laughed, (I suppose its rude to say 'guy' here, but its much shorter than using 'professor' all the time, so *shrugs*)

"Nervous?! Why're you nervous? There's no need for you to be nervous!"
Yeah. Sure.  You can say that sitting there.

"em... ye-ah"

"So do you fight a lot with your brother and sister?", he asked, exchanging pointless looks of glee with his neighbours.

I momentarily forgot my nervousness. Excuse me. What?!

"I don't have siblings", I said in a rather firm tone.

I had bulbed him to oblivion. It was the biggest bulb I had seen so far. The battle was won. I relished the triumph. I looked up at him. He was still smiling. He had not even lost his poise.

"So I guess you fight with your dad when you want him to get you a cricket ball, say?"

Suddenly I felt extremely stupid. The moment of triumph had vanished. And now it seemed  so foolish to have felt happy for a bulb for even that millisecond. 

"Er,.. no... He gets me a cricket ball if I ask him for one"

"Oh... Right"


Now the guy on the left spoke and I felt something dangerous was coming,
"So if I asked you from which direction is the schools gate is your house located what would you say?" The question was so sudden.

I gaped at him.
"er..... ...... um..."
He didn't wait.
"Okay tell me this. Which direction is the school's gate facing?"

 I understood the question. It was a start.

But I didn't know the answer. 

"Hm.. You've been through the school gate about thousand times and you never thought of this?", he was positively grinning now. 

What did it matter where the school gate faced?

"Um. I dont know. But, if I know where the sun rises I can find out".

"Everyone knows the sun rises in the east", he said. Apart from the fact that they were trying to maintain an encouraging atmosphere by smiling, they were merciless.

I could have facepalm-ed. That was not what I meant but I should have phrased it in a better way.
What I meant was- 'If I knew where the sun is right now, I can find out'.

 But I only managed, "um.. I meant.. um.. not that...."

He coolly cut across me.
"Take a look outside. We'll give you one minute. Then tell us"
"What.... Now?" I had convinced myself that I would be imprisoned and tortured here for atleast another half an hour. The prospect of leaving this place for even a minute was unbelievable.
"Yes! Now...", and he gestured towards the door. I sprang up and went for the door. Even my legs felt weak. My mind was filled with a strange and disrupting buzz. I opened the door and stepped outside. At that moment, I fully appreciated the warmth of sunlight. The effect was overwhelming. I just stood there for a few moments taking deep breaths, momentarily forgetting why I was there. Then, I looked up, the sun was on the left, and the school gate was behind me and it was morning so.... It took half a second to figure it out. Its amazing how the brain worked so quickly then. I realized I was supposed to go back inside. For a fleeting moment I thought I'd run for it instead. I should've done that really.


I went back in. The whole thing took fifteen seconds. He had allowed me one minute. I came back early. Does that mean I did extremely well? Or maybe he just thought I was stupid and that I couldn't say the answer straightaway and had to look where the sun is do find out, so he decided on one minute randomly? But their faces betrayed nothing. They were smiling as usual. I sat.


"So?"
"The school gate is facing the north"
"mmm" He had given no impression that my answer was correct. He simply nodded.
"It says here that you like mechanics. What do you like about mechanics?"
Truth is that I have no idea what mechanics is really about. All I know is that Newton's Law 'F=ma'. And I know how to solve some decent problems with it. These guys were totally about the practical approach. And i did not like mechanics. I had just written that for the sake of writing something.
"um... I like to analyse the motion of objects... and um... see how things.. work"
A pathetic lie. Who on earth cares how things work as long as they do?


He nodded. Something told me I was in deep trouble.

I was.  

Its Official!

 

"So how do you come to school?", the guy on the left asked, now in a more business like tone. I was to take it that the interview had started.
"Cycle", I said automatically and I regretted it immediately.
"Aha!", he pounced.
"Now, if I give you two cycles: one with a bigger crank shaft and one with a smaller one. Which would you choose?"
I stared. What on earth was a crank shaft? I tried escaping -
"Sir I don't own a gear cycle so I wouldn't know about crank shafts"
"Oh no no no... ", the guy in the middle started, smiling nastily, "every cycle has a crank shaft". Dang! 


"Oh."
My expression couldn't have been more blank. And all three of them were staring into my eyes and smiling. How  was I supposed to think? But I somehow managed to put things together : The only thing which is important and big enough to have such a complicated name must be the chain and whatever is there in there, the small wheel like thing around which the chain rotates. So he's probably asking which one is more energy efficient for the same distance? I tried unconsciously blabbering once again:
"Sir... if you apply a force on the pedal......."
"No no, don't involve force in this" 
My insides were getting colder.


Then I thought about the gears in a gear cycle. In one gear you had to do a lot of pedalling to move, in another gear you could get there with lesser pedalling and all those 'crank-shaft' sizes were different. So now all I had to figure out was which was which. I tried doing some physics mentally. Smaller radius... R... . one rotation... 2 pi... But no, it was hopeless. Their stares were making it impossible to think plus my brain had already jammed. I had to guess.
"I would take the one with the bigger crank shaft"
The guy on the left leaned forward,
"Why?!"
"I think... I am not too sure, that with lesser amount of pedalling we can move the same distance with the cycle with a bigger crank shaft"
"Oh....... Right", he exchanged glances with the guy in the middle. That smile did not waver. Again, they didn't give the slightest indication that I was right. I was to know later that I was dead wrong.


"You watch racing? Formula 1?"
This time I was prepared.
"No." I don't know what car racing is and I haven't seen a car in my life. No thank you.


But he asked anyway.
"You've noticed that the racing cars' tyres are unlike the ones which go on road?"
I considered telling him that I had no idea what a racing car looked like but I had lied too much already.
"Ye-es...."
"So how are those tyres different from the normal ones"
"They are um... big... and um..."
Sheesh
He stared at me for a moment with his eyebrows raised.
"Hm.. You've noticed that the usual tyres have certain irregularities in them?"
"Yes"
Ask me what they're called. Please ask me what they're called.
"You know what they are called?"
YES!
I opened my mouth to speak but no words came. Somehow, incredibly, I had forgotten. I was so confident that I had known the word a moment earlier. I racked my brains but no, the word was lost. I stared at them, looking miserable. They continued to smile. The guy on the left edged forward,
"Yes?"
I shook my head. This was ridiculous.
"Why do they have these irregularities? How do they help?"
"It helps increasing friction... so you can turn easier I suppose"
"Yes yes but, how does it increase friction?"
"Um... its kind of rough... and uh... more...uh ", I tried making actions for I couldn't get out the words.
Yet again, they simply nodded me out, not paying attention to what I was trying to do.
*sigh*
"Can you find these irregularities on the tyre of a race car?"
The way the question was phrased itself suggested that the answer was no, yet,
"I guess so...."
"Are you sure?"
"uhhm yeah... I think they'll have lesser irregularities than in the normal ones since they have to go fast but I think they will have some since they have to turn fast too and you need some friction for that"

Yes, I was looking exceptionally like that

"No. As a matter of fact, the race car tyres are completely bald", he finished, smiling gravely.
I sat there, mouth open.
"A-Are they?"
"Yes..." It was incredible how he was still smiling. It was a mocking smile. Even a look of deepest disappointment or irritation would have been better than this.


"Your cycle has a brake right? Well, how do ships brake?"
Sorry. No clue. I think you should let me go and save both of us the embarrassment.
The thing that flashed in mind straightaway was Popeye the sailor man.
"Um... an-chor... ?"
"No no. Anchors are used to hold a ship steady in a dock. How do ships slow down and stop?"
Anchor was the only technical term I knew which was related to ships. Now it was time to blabber.
"The water provides a lot of friction, so all they have to do is switch of their motors at a certain distance and the water will stop the ship automatically"
"What. That's how they stop ships?"
"Er?"
"Couldn't you use the same force which runs the ship to stop the ship?", he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
 "I.. er... suppose you could do that"
Now the guy in the middle started after a long time,
"Have you seen the movie, 'The Titanic' "
"Yes". I realized I hadn't. But I knew the facts.
"How do they stop a ship there?"
"Well, they dont really stop it. An iceberg comes and crashes into the ship and breaks it into two..........."
And they started laughing as if I had told a very amusing joke. I couldn't have found anything less humourous. 
"No, we don't want to destroy a ship do we?"


"So, do you play carrom?"
I saw no point in lying. After all, how much worse can it get?
"Yes".
I waited for the pounce.
It came sooner that expected.
"Hm. So if I wanted you to pocket this black coin and also wanted you to push your opponents white coin to the other side at one shot, how would you do it?", he said, making a series of diagrams in air. I didn't feel like talking. So, I pointed at the paper lying on the table and asked him if I could use it.
"Of course, of course". Things would be a million times better if he just stopped smiling and staring at me!
I drew a few circles and a few straight lines and went,
"If you hit here, it'll go hit there and this'll go here and that'll go there"
It was right essentially but a guy on the street could've told him that.
They gave me an instantaneous look of disbelief which switched immediately into a smile. I'd rather they shouted.
"O-kay. There is a special word for what happens in this. What is it?"
"Um.... collision?", the question mark after an answer was always there. I wasn't sure of anything now.
"No.. not collision, another word which accurately describes what happens here. You've studied it at school. Come on!",
Seriously? Come on?
I racked my brains for other complicated, scientific terms I knew. In milliseconds my thoughts dried up and I ended up looking into their laser-like eyes again.
"Impact!", the guy in the middle said, "Impact",
"Haven't you studied this in earlier classes? Oblique Impact? No?"
Okay? Isn't collision the same as impact? O.o


"Okay. We'll ask you an easy question"
I did not feel like relaxing.
And so the final nail in the coffin,
"If I give you a balloon filled with air, how would you find its density?"
I don't know what was worse. The fact that the question didn't seem to be too tough but I had no clue what the answer was or the fact that they said the question was easy and they were thoroughly under the impression that they had asked an easy question or the fact that they were smiling expectantly as if waiting for me to burst out with the answer any second.


I did the only thing I had been doing. Sit there looking blankly. Their laser-eyes rooted me to the spot choking all thinking possible. Seconds passed.
 "Okay, what is density?"
"M-ass by Volume?"
"Everyone knows that", he said, showing the first sign of irritation. My supreme knowledge had finally managed to break his composure.
"So how'd you measure the volume of a sphere?"
"Um.. you need to measure the radius of the balloon?"
"Yes. How do you do that?"
"umm... using a .... ruler?"
"WHAT?! You measure the radius of a balloon using a RULER?!", he said looking shocked and quite forgetting to smile.
I didn't know what was so shocking about it. I made movements with my hand to show how I'd place a ruler on the balloon and find the radius.
He simply looked at me. Then they looked at each other.
"Okay, think about it. You can go", he said, picking up the files again.
Freedom?

I rose immediately.
The guy on the right suddenly said, speaking for the first time,
"Oh by the way. Don't google the solution. Think about it yourself. Try to figure it out.", he said very seriously.
I had to think a moment to figure out what he was talking about. Then I nodded absent mindedly.
I wouldn't dream of googling it. I wouldn't dream of even thinking about the damned problem. At that moment, I hated every single thing about science. I realized I had zero interest in science from the beginning so in a way, flunking it was good. People more deserving and interested could make better use of the camp. I felt like going home and eating and sleeping and playing computer games and enjoying life instead. I thought about May. The whole month was free now. I had cricket matches to look forward to, and possibly birthday treats or hangouts.

My expression exactly after coming out

 I stepped outside. The other seven were waiting there. I must have looked completely destroyed because the one who went in first started grinning at the sight of me and said, "Pocha?". I returned the grin giving him a thumbs down. I was actually laughing. They surrounded me pounding me with questions about what they asked, how it went and all that. My head was spinning. Everything was a blur till I opened my box of bread and pineapple jam.
                                                   

29 C

Bus travel can be very tiring, especially on a sweaty summer day and that too, right after a three-hour coaching class. Nevertheless, I walk slowly towards the bus stop thinking about Lays packets and coffee. It can hardly be called a bus stop, since it gave absolutely no indication that it was so. The crowd of people who are waiting impatiently there tell me I'm at the right place. 

If you people came here seeing its about "buses" in hopes of learning how my hand snapped into two in detail, sorry to disappoint you but this is just another boring daily life post.

The Stop...... 

I get there and start waiting. This was actually a completely lousy bus stop and I'm not talking about the overturned smelly dust bin right beside it. Half the buses which go to my place are filled with ego and don't stop in small bus stops like these. I can go wave at them all I want but they don't feel the need to stall the traffic for a sweaty, helpless child (*Cough*) And those who don't stop happen to be the new models, deluxe buses, white-boards, whatever you call it. Definitely ego. Who needs them anyway? They're pretty much the same except for the cool yellow hook-like things to hang and swing on. But they're definitely not worth the five excess rupees.

I turn around to look at one of the shops. Maybe someone there sells orange Lays Packets? I turn back to see an A1, Air-Conditioned gliding past.  No! I just missed my jolly AC-ed ride home. True, the A1 doesn't stop here, but he is not as egoistic as the rest. He being a sweet fellow stops when I wave my hand. (Actually, AC buses stop because they don't get enough money to run and are glad to accept more passengers at any time but I won't tell you that. It'll spoil all the fun. Besides, I like AC buses. Hey. You are not reading all this written in brackets right?)

I continue my wait. I stare longingly at an auto then shake my head. Impossible. Treacherous rates. Then, finally, a bus appears in a distance in the smoke of the traffic. I maneuver through the crowd trying to get in front. I see the number. 21. I go back to my original standing place. Annoyingly, this bus which doesn't go to my place stops for a full minute at this bus stop. After a lot of shuffling, an old lady who just climbed out of the bus suddenly talks to me,

"He-ey. Will you get me across the road please? I want to go to that side"

I stared. Totally Blank. My brain exploded into three parts and each one was racing. 

Part One was saying, Okay, this lady is really old and alone. I'm not in a hurry anyway. Maybe I should.
Part Two was saying, Oh what the hell lady? There are like fifty people around and you had to go dump the trouble on me? 
And Part Three was wildly inventing solid excuses that I could give her which are satisfactory and does not make her search another person after leaving  with an angry "hmpf".

My mouth managed to say,
"Uhh...um" for all this while.

Then, a man, about twenty, apparently working, said,
"You want to cross the road lady? Here. Come with me"

Saved! **Phew** Thank you, person, whoever you are. What would I have done if that person had not turned up? Would probably have provided her the solid excuse and gone on to hide in some unnoticeable corner of the bus stop. I felt half ashamed, half guilty. All of a sudden, those Panchatantra stories where the god disguises himself as an old person and asks for help and punishes people who are heartless. The things old people can do to you. God.

I still haven't gotten into a bus! Before I can think anything, another voice:
"He-eey"
I turn.
Old guy. Looking like he lives in the bus stop. About eighty. Oh no. Now what?!

"You see the poster here?", he said, pointing at the piece of paper stuck on the side of the shop.
I look at the "poster". It was a contact lens advertisement, showing five eyes, each wearing a different coloured lens, making the eye look blue, green, brown.. etc.
Okay?
"They've displayed all this, but they don't say which one is good. All this is simply for show. I've been thinking about it for a long time."

Brilliant. Simply great. Here I am waiting for ages to get home, and a random guy decides to make conversation about criticizing Varilux contact lenses. I simply grin. I hear a low rumble and a squeak of a horn that can only belong to one vehicle. Finally! A darned bus! Saved again, from the wrath of old people. A 29 C. Yay! Oh wait, you better stop here. It did stop. It is overcrowded. I couldn't care less. I have this curious sort of affinity towards 29Cs, simply randomly liking them. I mean, they're just cool right? (:P) I get in, fingering some coins from the wallet and holding them before I do so. Who knows what can happen when you try to take your wallet out in that crowd.

The Bus.....
Okay, I'm in. I get to the middle of the bus. No breathing space at all. But it isn't so bad since I can actually turn around and move my hands. I look at the coins in my hand. A 50p and a 5 Rupee coin. A gold 5 Rupee Coin. No, I'm not wasting that. I collect those gold ones. But, "Ticket Ticket?", the voice which doesn't know to speak anything else said.
I handed over the gold reluctantly and pocketed the bus ticket. 

I hold the horizontal and the vertical bars for support, putting most of the pressure on my left. Right, was still volatile. I look at the graffiti on the bus walls.





"Something something Roxxxxxxx" (It had more "x" that that)
"I love you someone someone. Signed: Someone someone" (Thu :P )
"We are awesome!! Signed: Someone someone someone"

One word. Jobless.

Suddenly, the bus applies brakes, approaching a speedbreaker, or a red signal, I don't know, but I involuntarily grab hard with my right and it stung. Badly. No damage done. Its too much to have two consecutive injuries in the same vehicle in the same limb.

Then, a guy from behind bumps into my bag and smiles sweetly and apologizes for it. Highly abnormal activity. People in overcrowded buses in Chennai never smile sweetly and importantly, never apologize. Pickpocket?  I suddenly become very aware of the phone and the wallet, touching both of them every three seconds to make sure they're there. Atleast my right hand has something to do now. The guy takes out a phone, a Samsung Galaxy, and goes through folders for no reason (Yes, I was peeking into it) Then, he takes out another phone, a Sony Ericsson Xperia (WTH?!) and meddles with that too. Who is this guy? Suicide Bomber with a bomb in his cell? Without warning, he pocketed both the phones and got down at the red signal. Phone and wallet still there. I am still alive. No harm done.


Strange things don't stop happening. Another woman, some high class personality who looked completely out of place in that local bus is trying to ask someone to get a ticket for her. I hate people who ask me to do that. I face the other side and give and expression of being completely absorbed in seeing the scratches at top of the window. Too Late.
"Hey!!! You.... YOU. Get a ticket to Besant Nagar"
I ignore completely knowing perfectly well that it is me she is calling. There were about ten other people who she could have asked to get the ticket. All the rotten luck. Apparently I was the only who looked  bully-able.

"What the hell do you think of yourself?"
Uh. What?! I turn around.

"Don't you have the courtesy to turn around and look at the person when he or she is talking to you? Is it so difficult for you to give the money to the conductor and get one ticket? I am a teacher and I know you are a student. These are extremely bad manners", she fumed. 

Get your own ticket you lazy bum. 


I shrug and give her the "what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it?" stare. She decides to get it herself after making all sorts of angry noises. And she promptly trips and almost falls right on someone.
"Watch where you're going lady", said some nice guy.
Ha! 

Destination almost reached. The rotten smell of the river tells me that. I move to the front of the bus near the stairs. After sometime, the bus is almost there. 
Another man:

"Move it. Why the hell are you standing here if you're not going to get down?"

"I am going to get down here thank you"

"O.....h"
**Bulb**

The bus screeches to a stop and I quickly get down  before something unfortunate happens. What a day. I watch as the four big wheels carry the huge structure out of sight. I walk home, tired.

Money Minded Maniacs II - The Doctors

My next part of the post. This time I'm going to grill the doctors like I promised. Lets start the show.
 
The Docs

Getting to the firing straightaway. How do you identify a doctor?
People would say, "Stethoscope hanging over neck."
Other people of our cheek would say, "Oh. The guy with unbearable handwriting"

To put it in a sentence, a doctor is someone who smiles too much, has the power of making you believe that "Everything-will-be-alright" and has half all of your wallet money before you notice it. Its not really as bad as it sounds. Its worse. Who knew your kidney's valve was more costly than a Maruthi Alto?

Lets take the small-scale situation first. (I like doing the One-Fine-Day situation thing, especially when you know for sure its not going to be one fine day at all) So here we go, 

One fine day (:P) you happen to go to your favourite restaurant and have a bite at the coconut chutney which was on the verge of getting spoilt. Food Poisoning! Your body heat shoots up and you land in bed, groaning. You are loaded with Crocins and your body refuses to calm down. So finally, you decide to get rid the fever and the money as well as quickly as possible. 


Enter doctor. He will do three things. Ask you to take deep breaths and put his stethoscope to use, make you roll your eyes and flash a torch, and look at your outstretched tongue. Then, he takes out a paper, scribbles something which only medicine shop guys can identify and ask you to have a good day after robbing you of 200 Rupees. You cant do anything about it (except vomit on his table for self pleasure maybe? )

For wasting a certain amount of battery in his torch, removing some negligible ink from his pen and getting rid of one of his sheets of paper, you lose 200.   What would happen if you actually make them do something? *Shudders* People are ready to pay anything for getting their bodies working properly. And, they think doctors can fix everything.

Well, the more sad thing is, it isn't even the doctor's fault. Suppose, he charges 10 Rs for a check up. (That's a little too hard to believe)
Point #1: His roof would be brought down by thousands of patients who rush here once they learn of the price.
Point #2: The doctor has to be a complete fool if has to treat 20 patients to get 200 when he could have got the same money with one, especially when people are ready to pay.
Point #3: For a new doctor, when he sees that every other hospital is charging that much for a check up, he cant possibly reduce it very much even if he feels that the money is outrageous, its bad for business. Unless of course, he happens to be a noble life-loving idiot. (Such people don't exist anymore. They went right after dodos did)

Lets just say I like firing at these people and I'm partly jealous at how easily they earn big bucks. (Not taking their previous hard work into consideration)

The only difference between the mechanics' case and this case is that, there you can chuck the machine which doesn't work out of your second floor window. Here if you do that, its called "homicide".


Large Scale Business:
A ninety year old lady has a severe problem in her kidneys and her condition is worsening. Her sixty year old son is in a dilemma. He knows she's going to die anytime now, so why not let nature kill her peacefully? But no, there is a hospital across the street which says it can cure kidney problems. He has two choices: To let her die peacefully now without doing anything or to take her to the hospital and buy her more time to live, say a month, that's being optimistic and torture her with hospital equipment till then.

Its a simple choice if you look at it here. "Let nature take her", is easily the best option. She dies in peace plus you save money. But its complicated. Say he does that, and his mother dies, he'll be with the permanent guilt that he could have saved her but he didn't and also, other people blame him for her death. Something like, "You abandoned her!", which is painful to hear.

Even his conscience would tell him to go to the hospital, in that tiny hope of saving his mother despite the fact that, logically, its better off leaving her as it is. So she finally, inevitably ends up in the ICU to be operated. One night for the patient at a hospital costs about as much as the most expensive hotel suites and doesn't have five percent of its luxury. Days pass.

They'll make her survive a few more days. Then, after the most expensive week of a lifetime, the doctor will come out with a well-rehearsed expression of deep sympathizing sadness and tell him she just passed away. With the reason being, "Excessive fluids, Cardiac Arrest" etc, etc.

The result of it all, she's dead anyway, plus he's lost a few lakhs of money and your family members are actually glad that she didn't stay for too long because then, the expense would rapidly multiply. Okay, the equipments for operation are costly, agreed. But definitely not that much?! Serious looting. What's the rate today? Around 60K per day. I mean, what the hell? And its just because humans cant let nature take the old ones away in peace.

"Who cares about how much it costs? I want to live"
I'm not saying that isn't the right attitude. That should be the attitude. But, hospitals exploit that statement a little too much. In the end, you end up dying anyway.

Having a general doctor and a mechanic in the family would really help cut down the expenses, for smaller scale situations at least. 

Everyone is a money minded maniac. No doubts. No questions asked. I just felt like firing at these two categories. You cant blame me. Goodbye for now.....

Money Minded Maniacs I - The Mechanics

There are four kinds of people who steal. (No, there are obviously more, but the number comes under 'uncountable', so this will settle for now) The first. The honest thieves, the ones who do the direct job of drilling through bureaus and gobbling up money. The second, politicians. No surprises there. "Honest Poltician" was always an oxymoron. So, even they are forgiven since we already know that they must always be bad.

It is the third and fourth that I find are outrageous. The ones who fix our broken gadgets and machines and the ones who fix our body parts. In simple terms, mechanics and doctors.

The Mechs

They don't use knives and guns to rob. Your lack of knowledge is their weapon. First, they never turn up for repairs unless they are sure they can hit a jackpot, which they tend to hit very often. And their frequent targets: Old timers. The young generation know and meddle too much.

------------------
You would be relaxing after retirement and would want so check "e-mail" to see if your old friend sent you something. You would have, with some difficulty, memorized the sequence to do that.

Start-> All Programs -> Mozilla Firefox

One fine day, an error pops up when you open. Extremely baffling. Without second thoughts you phone the software guy.

"Hello. The Mozilla Firefox in my computer is not working! What is wrong?", you would say in a desperate voice.
"We will attend to the matter immediately sir. We will send an expert, soon", he would say in his most silkiest voice.

If you were lucky and you got the meaning of his "soon", you would scream into the phone just before he slams it down,
"When?! Today 6 pm?"
"Ah, sure sir."

And when he doesn't turn up at 6 pm, or the 6 pm of the next day, or the next. You call him up again.
"We had lodged a complaint that Mozilla Firefox isn't working. You said you would sent a man at 6 pm that day. Where is he?!", you could shout all you want.
"Is it so sir? I will send a man immediately to attend the matter.", he would say, completely disregarding your screams.

After this continues for another week. He would finally turn up mumbling things like,
"Traffic", "Work Overload" and "Couldn't make it"
You would feel like asking, "Why the hell did you so coolly say, you'll come then?"

He would walk to the P.C and ask you a few questions about what's wrong to make sure you're the biggest fool in town. Once he does that, he'll go:
Right Click -> Refresh
like twenty times like it'll solve everything. Then, he'll go amaze you by doing things you've never seen before. You'll be sitting there astonished. But if you're lucky to have a kid in the house who's tweaked everything he can get his hands on, the kid will save the day by furiously whispering in your ear,
"This guy isn't doing anything. He's just clearing temporary files!"
But no, you wouldn't listen to any kids. The mechanic is god. He knows everything. Heh! :P

"Sir, there is a problem in the C.P.U. The processor seems to be overworked. We would need to take it to our hardware office to inspect it", the silky voice returns.

The kid would be in open-mouthed disbelief, with every inch of his body screaming, "WTH?! You're kidding me"
But who listens to kids? You'll nod gravely as the mechanic suppresses a grin and removes the piece of machinery from your sight.

"I will call you when everything is alright sir. It wont take more than two days"

The waiting game starts again. Two days. Five. Ten. A hundred phone calls. Different innovative excuses each time. The kid will be having a "What did I tell you?" expression.
You've finally had enough. You go to that place directly and blow up. He'll still be grinning.
He has already won the battle when he took away your piece of machinery.

"Sir, we are sorry for the delay. It is completed. The processor needed to be repaired. You can take it home"

Despite your fury and that fact that you'll have to carry the machinery by yourself, you'll be glad its finished.

He drops the bombshell with finesse,
"That'll be 6500. We accept cheque payment."

There will be absolutely no point arguing. He will tell you about how this part cost this much and how the damage was severe and finally after destroying you with technical names, you'll have no choice but to surrender. After painfully parting with 6500, you'll finally be able to open Mozilla Firefox.

-------------------

That's why it always helps to have a tech-freak in the house and believe in them even though they'll be the ones responsible for most break downs.

Yet, you cant know everything. If the inner, deeper, unknown parts  get damaged, it is the mechanics' lucky day. He'll replace it for a 10000 bucks. After he does that, another mech would tell you he would have done the same replacement with just 8000 bucks. You'll go scream at the first guy. He would simply say,
"That guy uses inferior quality machinery. It wouldn't last five days."
Its hopeless.

The bigger the machine gets, the more they steal. Another instance where the car doesn't start. It'll be sent to garage and will stay there for weeks till you empty your phone balance.
Finally, you'll receive a bill of 25000. Yeah I know they replaced oil, motors and all other crap. Hmpf. All they must have done was put two wires into place.

And when you ask why the AC isn't working, they'll say you never asked them to see the AC and that'll cost another 30000 because apparently the condenser is broken.
You'll run out of that place with your car saying, "Vendaam Pah Saami".

So, it always helps to have a full fledged mechanical engineer as a relative. Or, the simpler alternative, is to be a millionaire. Solves all problems doesn't it? No repairs. Get new stuff. Simple. Be a mech. You'll get there.

Review: Kung Fu Panda - II

The much awaited sequel to Kung Fu Panda is here. And its in 3-D! If you haven't watched the first part yet, watch now. You wouldn't understand this movie (or this blogpost for that matter) as much as you would like otherwise. You wont regret it.

 

The Plot: Po, 'The Big Fat Panda' is back, fully trained, fully fed (but of course!), with only one more goal to accomplish in Kung-Fu - to attain inner peace. Master Shifu tells Po, to his utter horror and disbelief, that people go without eating for months to attain inner peace. Before he can think about this inconceivable task, he is faced with a new foe. 

Not a dinosaur, not a lion, not even a giant rat, but a peacock, named Shen. Several years ago, a fore teller had told Shen, that 'A warrior of black and white' would defeat him (Guess who? :P ) Shen, outraged, had slaughtered all the pandas of China. Po, with all his awesomeness, had miraculously, unknown to Shen, had survived.The peacocks, who were shocked by Shen's actions had banished him from their city. Shen, returns with a powerful weapon and takes control of the city. It is the job of Po and the Furious Five to travel to Gongmen City and stop Shen before he destroys Kung Fu from China. On the way, he discovers new things about his past, and story takes an uncharacteristically serious turn. 


The Animation: A new land, Gongmen City, is introduced in this sequel. As before, the expressions on the  faces of characters, co-ordinated with stunning dialogue delivery, especially the Panda's make the film. Jack Black has yet again done a brilliant job of voicing the Panda. A small letdown is that some of the scenes were created just for the 3-D effects. While the 3-D did look amazing, some of the fight scenes weren't as much fun. (They let too many chunks of wood fly towards you :P)

The Characters:

Po: The black and white dragon warrior is the same as ever, except maybe that he can now do new combination Kung-Fu moves with his old weapon, his belly.
He finally gains some respect from his master and his fellow warriors, but also occasionally gets pounded. He still likes getting beat up though. His out-the-blue humour, hillarious expressions and bizzare fighting techniques make this movie a must watch.

Tigress: She continues to remain the only character who doesn't make us laugh. Her suddenly developed respect towards Po is hard to get adjusted to as she used to treat him like scum. She goes and hugs Po once or twice which is "Eww" and also gets very serious and emotional.

The Other Four: Monkey, Mantis, Crane and Viper have lesser roles and just help in fighting, making weird but effective kung-fu combos with Po. They come up with witty lines every now and then so it isn't just the panda you have to look at.


Shen, The Peacock: This guy is nowhere near Tai-Lung of KFP 1 being the super villian of the movie. He is supposingly much more evil and heartless than Tai Lung. The movie intended to put his character across as 'cunning' and 'ruthless', but manages only, 'a joker' and 'someone with no idea at how to fight and relies on servants and weapons'.

Shifu: This guy is a species of Red Panda (You didn't know that right? :D ) Google 'Red Panda'. Shifu plays a cameo and takes over the role of Master Oogway, (He's awesome! :P ) though, he doesn't say all Oogway-ishly saintlike dialogues, nor does he have the God-like personality Oogway had. He's got a new cool new tunic on now!!


Ping: He's Po's dad. And he's a goose.(Wth?!) And a noodle restaurant owner. You're going to hate every scene he is in. Thankfully, his role is very less. All he does is take part in emotional conversations with his 'son' and make noodles :P

Fun? : There are ups and downs in this movie. The ups being the Panda. Period. Go figure. Also, the villian tends to crack you up a little every now and then. Downs being, the large number emotional, sad and serious scenes which are soo not Kung Fu Panda-ish. Unlike the first part, most fights are in groups and in a rush, so you don't get to see the in detail bizarre fighting techniques of the Panda (Belly Bouncer and Bum Crushers for the win!)

The climax also ends on a serious note which is lousy. Oh well, its not really as bad as it sounds.

Worth watching in a theatre? Definitely. A one time must watch movie. Kung Fu Panda 1 was better, but I still liked this one.

-----------------------------------------------------------
Random Scene
Panda and the furious five are captured, chained up, and are being brought to the HUGE castle where Shen resides to be murdered.
Panda (Looking up with a sudden serious expression): Ah. We meet again, oh ancient enemy.
Furious Five (Puzzled and turn around to face him): What?! Who?!
Panda: Stairs